True Confessions of a Subliterate Dork

On the Aesthetics of Beauty and Hell

Fell Into A Morbid Phase

Morbid Sway Day

Bound to happen. Eventually.

Wanted to send Road to Reality to warm beside heater of another writers magnificent brain for me to listen for trains whistling as pass through wire changes. He said no. I am a Naughty Parker. Personality is a liquid.

It is a liquid out in badlands there is nothing else to go on. Probably wouldn’t matter anyway. Normalization is really hard, when your a Cracker.

Cracker is an old American term for poor white trash. (Originally runaway indentureds? that lived below Great Dismal Swamp, shared between Virginia and North Carolina.)

So today, I sang a song for sour notes. Astonished by incredulous vacillation that came rushing through, between beauty and her contempt –

Its like one drops and suddenly, as if in delicious retribution, the other takes over. Part of larger fascination, starting to call: chop suey cide.

A moment that is like the purge of a dream, everything suddenly turns – vision is being calibrated, and suddenly “she” refuses, or something, though its more like a fury condemns me to death, becomes determined to hack my heart out over loss of acceptance – its so fierce.

Fury refuses to let me pass. And I just watch holy astonished – thinking god this cant be good – why are you doing this, again?

It has something to do with love of Roman type gods being a curse, ancient myths of punishing sorrows, and an inability to rejoin humanity after “mortal” sin of falling in love again – its in there, I can feel it like food stuck in teeth.

Its a shame, my poetry is getting pretty good again, and on occasion paragraphs in prose capture what I am going in after – but hanging out in the badlands finally ate me for lunch. So I got eaten, again

Great Reversal –

I have a rabbit who doesnt mind getting eaten. Stole from Genet, one of my precious. Its a famous scene. Other boys, spitting at him, he dreams their spit into kisses. And in that way reverses horror into beauty and desire. Which helps to defuse anger.

Maybe its a good thing. Somehow, perhaps, it can help create a clearing, for larger conclusion in work. Right now, pretty shook up about it.